What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
