We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
