haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
