Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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