can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
