I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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