I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
