just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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