I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
