From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he was CRYING into my vagina
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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