Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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