Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
