someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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