I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
