D3 body, D1 cock
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
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Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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