Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
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Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
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I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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