don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
