i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
