Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
