I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
