This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
