I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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