Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
