Please, let me fuck your mom
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
