I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
