i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
