is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
