you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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