This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
