Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
