it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize