he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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