theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
