i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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