oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
