I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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