My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
