May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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