Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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