The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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