Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
