why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
