I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
