if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
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you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
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My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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