I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
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She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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