I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
