i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
