You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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