So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
