Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
