apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
