They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
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We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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