from now on my penis is your penis
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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