Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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