He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
