chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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