So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
