I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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