So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
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Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
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You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize