then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
