my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
