Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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