I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
