Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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