i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wish you could order shots online.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize