Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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