Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
