i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
